In the last couple of months Luke has been traveling a lot for work. It has been challenging. I know that there are many families that have one spouse/parent on the road a lot so I am not looking for sympathy.
I say Luke's time away is challenging because with him gone we all have to rework our routine. We all have to do things differently. We talk on the phone instead of seeing each other face to face. Monkey and I end up eating easy meals at home and I cook a lot less while Luke eats out for every meal. All the little things Luke does around the house fall on my shoulders while he is stuck in a hotel room and living out of a suitcase in a very boring city.
I recently overheard someone saying that they knew that they would do fine as a single parent because they do just fine taking care of their children on their own while their spouse is traveling for work. This statement caught me off guard. Honestly it really bothered me, because this person was a stay at home parent while their spouse is the financial provider for the family.
Even when Luke is away I am not a single parent. I am lucky to stay home with my daughter and although I am the only one taking care of her while Luke is gone, I still have a partner in parenting. If being a single parent was only about one individual taking care of their children and home then maybe this person would do fine at going it alone if it came down to it, but I just don't think it is. I don't have to stress about going to work outside of the home, making sure that I am earning enough money on my own to pay the bills, and daycare on top of taking care of Monkey by myself. I know that I would not be able to stay at home with Monkey if I were a single parent.
I have a feeling that I don't even know the beginning of being a single parent and that this other parent doesn't either. I feel the difference in what is required of me as a mom when Luke is away and I am on duty from sun up to sun down. It is a challenge, but I know that even while I am the only parent present I am definitely not a single parent. Because even though I can' imagine my life without my husband I also I know that life as I know it would not exist without him.
Like I said, I have never had to be a single parent, I have never lived in a home with a single parent either so I may be way off in my assessment. It just seemed that this person missed a big part of the total picture when they seemed to be bragging that they felt they didn't really need their spouse even though they did not contribute to the families finances.
I know that it is not my business really and I am making a judgment about another person but am I wrong? Is being a single parent something less than I am thinking?
Monday, July 20, 2009
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5 share your thoughts with me:
I was a former single parent for many years and I won't lie, it was challenging. It is different to be the ONLY parent vs. the SINGLE parent but I guess it depends on your financial situation, how your house runs, etc. If you provide most of the family income and do all the things for the kids, I suppose you could be living as a single parent while married but most husbands do SOMETHING. Maybe they don't help around the house or with the kids but they bring in the income or maybe they stay home while the kids are sleeping so you can run to the store. I was a full-time working, full-time going to school single mom, and B was attached to me at the hip. It simply was not possible to do much without him so he went everywhere with me, something as a married woman I think you can take for granted.
That is my 2 cents :-)
Michelle, I totally agree. You worked so hard to provide for B as take care of him. I think that the biggest reason that I was so taken aback by the conversation was that this person was totally taking that finacial piece for granted (which is a pretty big thing to worry about when it is all on you).
I think you are spot on Catherine, whom ever said this seriously does not have a clue.
It does depend on how you define single parent.
A person who has sole custody and financial responsibility is different to a divorced parent bringing up their children with financial support and joint custody.
Either way dealing with an ex is not easy but if you get it right it can be workable.
I do not envy any single parent.
I know financial support is a big thing, especially if you are a stay at home mom but the one thing we probably all take for granted is, just having someone by your side to share in the bod times and the good.
I've said this. And I still stand by it.
With the career choice that I've made (and have contributed to our families financial well-being), I know I'd be able to do it on my own. When Bill is out of town, it's only 3 extra hours of "work" a day. I think I'd be able to take over his chores of mowing the lawn on the weekend and taking out the trash (I do everything else, or trade out for it if I can't).
I don't feel that sun up to sun down difference. It's all the same to me.
Some women are lucky to have husbands who are partners in parenting and some women do it all on their own anyway.
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